Grab yourself a peppermint, double-espresso, mocha-cinnamon something and sit down. The last quarter of the year is beginning, and we need to talk about perfectionism before it starts assigning us projects. If you didn’t get the perfectionism gene, congratulations. You may enjoy your fall. The rest of us have lists to make. There was a…

I have a paperweight on my desk that reads, “The Ultimate Inspiration Is the Deadline.” I am a professional procrastinator. The paperweight reminds me that whatever I fail to accomplish will eventually be rescued by a deadline. Recently, I read a cheery article suggesting we should think of procrastination as “pre-creation.” Apparently, we aren’t avoiding…

There comes a point in life when “nothing is wrong” requires an astonishing number of appointments to confirm. I appear to have reached that point. This year, after months of digestive issues, I decided it was time for the full-body inspection. Head to toe, like taking an aging car in for its 100,000-mile check, except…

In June, summer still seems like a good idea. The days are long, everything is green, and I imagine myself spending more time outside. By August, I have two goals: keep everything alive and stay reasonably comfortable while doing it. Today it’s supposed to be 101 degrees. I walk Gabby before 8 in the morning…

I don’t mind spending money. I prefer spending it on airline tickets. My car is fifteen years old. Until this week, my mattress was twenty-five years old. It was a Stearns & Foster Paul bought a few months before he died. He never told me what he paid for it, but judging by today’s prices,…

You find out a lot about people when you’re trapped with them indoors for three days. Last week I attended an iPhone photography workshop at the Madeline Island School of Art in Wisconsin. Most of the class had been photographing for years and were excited to study with top instructors. Let’s just say a small…

It started at my birthday dinner. Upscale restaurant, the kind with cloth napkins. I stood in front of my closet that afternoon and had nothing to wear. Not “nothing” the way you say it when you have too many choices. Nothing. Every woman at that dinner looked like she’d walked out of a magazine. I…

I never thought much about what it would feel like to grow old. In fact, I refuse to think of myself that way. My mind settled somewhere around forty-five and apparently forgot to notify the rest of my body. My birthday week always makes me philosophical. I don’t mind the years. Given the way I’ve…

I have seen the future of technology, and it currently requires an employee override at register four. The premise of the modern world is that technology is supposed to make our lives easier. Most of the time, I’m all for it. Which is why I find it fascinating when some of our greatest technological achievements…

I knew I had crossed some invisible age line the day my aesthetician asked, in a casual tone, whether I’d like my mustache waxed. Not my eyebrows. My mustache. I considered pretending I hadn’t heard her, but then she showed me in a mirror, and there wasn’t much left to say except, “Sure.” Apparently, I…

There’s an old saying: If you want to make God laugh, tell Him your plans. God must have laughed hysterically this week. I started mine with an action plan. Not a vague “to-do” list or a collection of hopes and dreams. An actual plan. Every day had a purpose. Every appointment had a place. I…

One of these days, someone will be completely obsessed with you. It will probably be a dog. Lately, I have been thinking about companionship. Not in a desperate way. Just in the quiet, honest way that sneaks up on you at a certain age. You are at an event, surrounded by people, and somewhere between…

Overexplaining. Sending the second text. Replaying situations in my mind at 2 a.m. and again at 5:30 a.m. Rehearsing arguments in the shower like I’m preparing for Supreme Court oral arguments. Running conversations in my head from fifteen years ago, knowing exactly what I should have said. Nailing it. Every time. Sound familiar? I thought…

I’ve always believed in lifelong learning, not as a slogan on a t-shirt, but as an actual way to live. I take classes. I read intentionally. I play mahjong, which turns out to be less a game and more a weekly reminder that the human brain can short-circuit in public. But here’s what nobody tells…

I opened the closet and immediately questioned my judgment. Not about the closet. About every decision I’ve made since approximately 1990. I own more black leggings than any one person should. And not one of them is the same. I’ve been very clear about this for years, and no one has pushed back hard enough…

We spend a lot of time thinking about the big moments in our lives. The weddings, births, funerals, the milestones that mark something finished or something new beginning. But most of life isn’t lived there. It’s lived in the space in between. There’s a word for that space: liminal. It means the threshold between what was…

So, whose head are you going to bite off today? We see it every day. People are rushed, distracted, and sometimes just looking for a place to drop their frustration. Most people are decent. It doesn’t take many bad interactions to ruin someone’s shift. I see it up close on weekends. Some people feel entitled….

If you saw me first thing in the morning, joyful is not the word you would use to describe me. It takes coffee and my meds to create the version of Mary Harvey the world can tolerate. Most mornings, I take that coffee outside while Gabby does her thing. It is quiet, the kind of…

Let me start with the embarrassing part. A few months into retirement, I caught myself trying to remember the last time I had taken the car out of the garage. Not going somewhere exciting. Just moved the car. That was my bar, and I wasn’t clearing it. I am someone who genuinely loves being alone….

For eight years, I lived next door to the most wonderful woman, Ann. She was the kind of neighbor who could turn a ten-minute check-in into a two-hour conversation and make you laugh before you made it back to the house. One of the reasons I was excited to move into this community was that…

Here’s how my death book is set up. I keep everything in a large three-ring binder, each section in a clear plastic sleeve. The binder lives inside a fireproof document case I can grab quickly in an emergency. A thumb drive with backups sits inside. So do spare keys, my passport, and anything someone would…

After last week’s column about creating my “death book,” many of you wrote to say the same thing: it had been on your list for years. You had thought about it and intended to do it. You just never got around to it. That response stayed with me because it revealed something most of us…

I’m writing this from a cabin on a small ship, grounded in Antarctica—nine days and counting. We’re waiting on the weather to lift so we can fly back to Chile. This isn’t a travel story. It’s what happens when a place refuses to perform on schedule. I came with a list. Set foot on Antarctica….

Set a guard over my mouth, O Lord; keep watch over the door of my lips.” — Psalm 141:3 My mother once said to me, “Your mouth is going to be what gets you in the most trouble in your lifetime. What you eat and what you say.” There you have it. Two of the…

One Pearl at a Time I am not someone who stands on a soapbox or offers testimony. I don’t feel worthy or qualified. I am humbled daily by the fact that I have strung together 13 years of sobriety, not through strength or discipline, but by the grace of God. If I speak about it…

By now, most of us have lost track of what day it is, how much frozen matter actually fell, and whether leaving the house is still a reasonable ambition. This storm affected roughly 200 million people across the US. In Memphis, we could be housebound for days from sleet, snow, and ice. The roads are…

When the Year Starts Sideways I came into the new year with the usual mix of hope and anticipation. Fresh starts. No resolutions, just goals. A quiet confidence, this would be a calm year. The microwave died on January 3. Not a spark. Not smoke. I heated leftovers, walked past later, and the clock was…

I have managed to reduce the memories of two lives to two plastic boxes. Not the important parts, just the paper evidence that we were here. Photographs. Newspaper clippings. Notes that once felt too meaningful to throw away. The boxes are clear, stackable, and snap shut without hesitation, unaware of the lifetimes they hold. This…

“You should think of your energy as if it’s expensive, as if it’s like a luxury item. Not everyone can afford it.” -Taylor Swift ”The day after Christmas, I drove two hours to Reelfoot Lake by myself. No agenda. No helping. No fixing. Bad weather. Empty roads. Long drives around the lake. I photographed. I…

“The meaning of life is to find your gift. The purpose of life is to give it away.” Pablo Picasso Are you making your list and checking it twice? Forget who’s been naughty or nice for a moment. You want your gifts to meet expectations and not create a Christmas Day meltdown. The days of…

The Ballerina Ornament That Sparked a Larger Truth She had found four ballerina ornaments. She needed five. I watched her circle the Christmas tree display again, hope fading with each pass. Five granddaughters, only four ornaments. She asked if we had any more, and I offered to look through the display tree for her. I…

Thanksgiving has always been meaningful for me. I don’t need a holiday to feel grateful; I practice it daily. But something about it reminds me just how good my life is. I know I live in the top tier of the world’s population. I am blessed.  I have a warm home, good food, friends who…

Heading into Thanksgiving week always feels like a giant timer starts ticking in my kitchen. I shift into the season of cooking for my family, neighbors, and anyone who’s woven into the rhythm of my life. Every year, I say I’m going to do less, and every year the season opens the same way: with…

We’ve spent a lifetime accumulating stuff. Here we are in the autumn of our lives, wondering what to do with all these priceless treasures. When life feels out of control, I turn inward to my soul and to my home. I begin to purge. That’s been my coping mechanism for years. If I can’t control…

A friend frequently said, “Every silver lining has a dark cloud.” It wasn’t cynicism – it was humor born from experience. And if you’ve lived a little, you understand the sentiment. Some of us are wired to anticipate the worst. Not because we’re negative, but because life trained us to stay ahead of trouble. We’ve…

“Life is always a tightrope or a feather bed. Give me the tightrope.” — Edith Wharton Are there days when the easy choice is calling your name? When you could turn off your phone, cancel the appointment, walk away from responsibility, and no one would blame you? When comfort looks less like laziness and more like…

It’s Sunday morning, and here I am writing my weekly article. I’ve already written five versions of this newsletter this week. None felt right. I need to submit it today so it’s ready for Tuesday morning. Before I got out of bed, I prayed: “Show me what you need to hear this week.” And this is what…

“Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.” — Psalm 90:12 The In-Between Lately, it feels like everyone I know is facing something — loss, change, the slow unraveling of plans. We’re not young anymore, but we’re not old-old either. Our friends are becoming grandparents. We go to more…

Losing track of time might mean you’re finally getting it right. I’ve been late my whole life. Always flying in with one shoe half on, mascara on one eye, and a to-do list scribbled on the back of a grocery receipt. But something strange has happened since I left my career. I’m not just late…

A Symbol of Kindness from the Past During the Great Depression, men known as hobos rode freight trains from town to town seeking work and food. They developed a system of symbols to help one another—warnings, recommendations, and safe havens. One of the most meaningful marks was a simple drawing of a cat near the…

For most of you, the holiday season is weeks away. In retail, the trees are up and the tinsel is everywhere. This week, I started making Christmas bows for work—never mind that it was 95 degrees outside while I wrestled with red velvet ribbon. I expected my fingers to snap right back into rhythm. Loop,…

My niece Alison posts about rescue dogs almost daily. One day, she shared a picture of a funny-looking, copper-colored dog. She had the face of a Brussels Griffon and the body of a Dachshund. A strange combination, but overwhelmingly cute. That photo kept tugging at me. Something about her said, I’m your companion for the…

Ever picked up a stone on a walk, for no reason other than it felt like it belonged in your hand? Stones are everywhere—so common we forget how much they’ve shaped our lives. But like the memories and burdens we carry, some steady us and some weigh us down. The trick is knowing which to…