Honoring Love and Connection: A Day of Reflection and Renewal
People may think it strange that after 23 years, I still honor the day my husband died. I don’t care what anyone thinks. I take the day every year to celebrate our love and life together.
On August 13, the anniversary of my husband’s passing, I try to be out of town or at least take the day off. This year, I was in town with a full plate of responsibilities. I tried to honor his memory in a way that felt both personal and renewing. Instead of letting the day be filled with sorrow, I want the day to be a celebration of the love we shared and a reminder that life, even after loss, continues to offer moments of connection and growth.
Coffee First
I started the day (as always) with coffee, my morning devotional, and email; I have responsibilities! After finishing my work, I took a long walk, enjoying a few days of cooler weather in Memphis. As I walked through the neighborhood, I reflected on our shared memories—the laughter, the conversations, the simple moments. I took my “big girl” camera with me. Paul and I both enjoyed photography.
A Ritual of Renewal
After my walk, I enjoyed a facial, an ongoing commitment to self-care. My aesthetician and I always have such beautiful conversations. That day, we discussed our business plans and dreams. I told her sometimes, with my newsletter and website, it felt like I was sending words into the universe, wondering if they were landing anywhere. Blogging can be a tremendous amount of work with little feedback. She assured me people were reading my stories watching my videos, and my words were helping women. I needed that message that day. Taking the time for a bit of self-care made a big difference in how I felt and presented myself to the world.
Seeking Solace in Sacred Spaces
Later, I attended Mass. Paul was a devoted Catholic who would have been happy about my presence that day. The quiet reverence of the church always offers me a space for deep reflection. The silent prayer creates an atmosphere of comfort and gives me peace. In those moments of stillness, I felt my husband’s presence beside me, offering solace and reminding me of the love that continues to guide me. It was a powerful yet calming experience.
Nourishing Body and Soul
For lunch, I chose sushi—something Paul introduced me to at a casino! As I enjoyed each bite, I thought about how much my husband loved trying new things. It was a moment that brought me fully into the present, a reminder to savor life’s simple pleasures.
Thrifting After Lunch
Paul was one of the most frugal people I have ever known. I often said cheap, and he noted that he was thrifty. We have a good thrift store close by. I scored with Pyrex dishes I needed to replace.
A Visit to the Columbarium: A Moment of Connection
Late afternoon, I visited the Columbarium, where he rests. My family only believed in spending a little time in a cemetery. They weren’t there, and you achieved nothing by standing at a grave and crying. We thought we were here to continue doing good in the world. Since my last visit, the cemetery has finalized a wall outside the area where Paul is entered. I couldn’t find the entrance. I had a few moments of “dementia” concern. Where was Paul? Had they moved him? I was on the phone with a friend and was afraid I had lost my husband! Finally, I saw the entrance area.
Standing there, I felt a deep sense of connection. It wasn’t just about visiting his resting place; it was about continuing our conversation and sharing my thoughts, day, and love. This sacred space allowed me to feel his presence in a way that brought both comfort and peace.
Ending the Day with Friendship and Food
I ended the day with dinner at Erling’s Restaurant, one of our favorites. I had dinner with a close friend who has lived through this journey with me. We shared stories, laughter, and a toast to the memories that bind us to those we love. Spending time with someone who understands was the perfect way to close the day. It reinforced the idea that there’s room for light and companionship even on a day meant for reflection.
A Reflection on the Day
Looking back on the day, I’m glad I chose to fill it with moments that honored both my husband’s memory and the life I continue to live. It wasn’t about dwelling on the past but celebrating the love that still shapes my present. Sometime during the day, I realized I hadn’t had any off time and was exhausted from my responsibilities. Note to self: take more days off. By taking this time for self-care, reflection, and connection, I reminded myself that it’s okay to slow down, to cherish the love that remains, and to move forward with grace and purpose.
As the day ended, I felt a quiet satisfaction—knowing that I had honored him, us, and myself. This day wasn’t just about remembering his passing; it was about embracing life fully, even in the face of loss. And that, I believe, is the true essence of living with love, care, and attention.