How Small Is Your Circle

Let me start with the embarrassing part.

A few months into retirement, I caught myself trying to remember the last time I had taken the car out of the garage. Not going somewhere exciting. Just moved the car. That was my bar, and I wasn’t clearing it.

I am someone who genuinely loves being alone. I am not lonely by nature. But there is a difference between choosing solitude and accidentally disappearing, and I had crossed that line without noticing.

Here is how it happens. You leave your career and, without meaning to, you leave your social circle with it. The meetings end. The drop-byes stop. The people who needed you to be somewhere stop needing you to be somewhere. I have talked about it with retired friends, and what we miss most, more than the work itself, is the people.

Then life adds to it. Friends move closer to grandchildren. People we love die.

Regular social interaction is tied to better health, sharper thinking, and longer life. Not occasional. Regular. After COVID, many of us got used to staying in and never fully broke that habit. The Surgeon General now calls loneliness a public health epidemic.

Our circles are shrinking at the exact point they should be widening.

The good news is that fixing this does not require a personality transplant. You need contact. Familiar faces. A reason to show up somewhere outside your own walls.

A few years ago, I came across a thought: Get in the habit of asking yourself, does this support the life I am trying to create? 

When I asked it honestly, I did not love the answer. The most ageless people I know have strong social interactions. Those who decline rapidly seem to isolate themselves from the world.

I decided it was time to rebuild my social life. I reached back instead of starting over. I reached out to school friends who got together regularly. I went back to the garden club. I joined a mahjong league, forty people in a room, two and a half hours of focused play, very little small talk required. I went on a camera club trip. 

I was nervous. I had let so many things go for my career. I was sure it would be awkward. I was welcomed everywhere I went.

Every single place. Without hesitation. The doors I thought were closed were never actually locked. I had just stopped trying the handle.

For you it may look different. A class you drifted away from. A church you have not been back to. A friend you keep meaning to call. A hobby that went quiet somewhere between busy and exhausted.

The specifics are not the point. Showing up is. And there will be a reason not to. There always is. Too tired. Too far. Too long since you have been in touch. The dog will get lonely.

Go anyway.

After years of wearing leggings and a funny t-shirt, I discovered my wardrobe had quietly retired right along with me, and my makeup had dried out. That is not a sustainable strategy. It is worth having a few things you can actually go out in. 

I can easily talk myself out of going to an event. So, I take on responsibilities. If someone is counting on me, I show up. It keeps me honest about the life I said I wanted to create.

Our circles will not widen on their own. Life drifts toward easier. Toward staying in. It’s on us to create the circles that will take us into our futures.

Go even when it feels like trouble. Go even when you would rather stay home.

Just Go. How are you creating social circles for your future? I am always looking for ideas.