Reason, Season, or Lifetime: Curating Our Social Circle as We Age

I’ve always believed that God puts people in our lives for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. Looking back, I can see how, time and again, the right people entered my life exactly when I needed them most. Sometimes, they were there to help me through a tough season—those angels who come in, play their part and move on. Other times, I’ve found lifelong friends who feel more like family, steady anchors through every joy and sorrow.

Take a moment and think back over your own life. Can you see where certain people have been placed? Those who filled in the gaps and gave you just what you needed at that time? Perhaps some relationships were there to teach you, others to help you grow, and a few special ones to stay by your side for life. Each has its place and purpose, and it’s a beautiful way to view the connections we hold onto—and those we choose to let go.

Friendships Change

Have you ever felt like your friendships were set in stone, only to realize that, as we age, some of them start to shift? Suddenly, people who used to bring you joy feel a little… off. Or maybe you find yourself wondering, “Is this a friendship or just a habit?”

Recently, I’ve been asking myself these questions as my social circle has changed—some friendships have faded, and I’m letting others go entirely. But here’s the thing: I’m not alone. I see so many women around my age doing the same, editing their social lives more intentionally and focusing on quality over quantity.

This past week, I attended a photography conference. (one of my photos from the conference is above.) I met top wildlife photographers, participated in hands-on sessions, and met a crowd of people just like me—passionate, curious, and hungry to learn. In two days, I took 14 classes, tested new equipment, and met a range of other older photographers.

Why Relationships Shift as We Age

Maybe it’s the wisdom of getting older, or maybe it’s just reality settling in, but I’m noticing that some friendships aren’t quite as fulfilling as they used to be. A few years ago, I would’ve bent over backward to keep everyone happy, but now I’m more interested in meaningful connections than maintaining outdated social habits.

And maybe you’re feeling this too. Maybe the little things that start to bug you—the things you could laugh off before now feel heavy. So, what’s going on here?

As we age, life throws curveballs. Hormones change. Loss becomes more frequent. Our priorities shift. And, if you’re anything like me, you’re less interested in small talk and more interested in sharing things that make life meaningful. It’s natural for friendships to shift as a result.

But here’s the kicker: we don’t have to hold on to relationships that no longer serve us. We have permission to choose friendships that enrich our lives and give us energy, not drain it.

Taking Stock of New Connections

At this photography conference, I didn’t just go to improve my skills (although that was a perk). I went to meet people with passions similar to mine. And here’s the truth: it felt good to be in a room full of strangers who spoke my language. I even found myself thinking, “Maybe I could travel with some of these people one day. I’ve met some of my favorite people on photography trips.

This idea of curating friendships might sound odd, but it’s powerful. It means being intentional about the people we spend time with. I’m not talking about ditching people on a whim; I’m talking about spending more time with those who align with my goals, values, and—dare I say it—my joy for life.

It’s not about collecting contacts. It’s about finding connections with people who are still growing, learning, and expanding their lives. I want to be around friends who are excited to learn something new rather than passively watching time slip by with TV and routines. I’m curating a circle that helps me feel alive rather than keeping friendships out of habit.

Filling in the Blanks—and Knowing When to Take a Break

There’s another side to this. I’ve always been the kind of person who likes to “fill in the blanks” for people. When my nephew needs help with his mother, I’m there. I step in if the kids need to pick up from school or my part-time job at Millstone and fill in when they are short-handed. But as much as I enjoy being of service, I’ve learned there’s a line between helping and giving until I’ve got nothing left.

Lately, I’ve felt that “well-run dry” feeling. And I’ve realized that part of curating an intentional circle includes making sure I’m not the one pouring out constantly without getting refilled. We’ve all been there—giving so much that there’s barely anything left for ourselves.

Finding New Connections with Intention

If you’re wondering where to meet new friends, remember that opportunities are everywhere—you have to make the effort. Over the years, I’ve attended seminars and conferences to connect with people who share my interests. My hometown has a New Residents Club that offers countless activities, and you don’t even have to be new in town to join. They host events, classes, and gatherings, making it easy to find like-minded people. Many find friendships in their church communities or through local classes—cooking, photography, pickleball, or mahjong. The possibilities are endless if you’re willing to put yourself out there. The key is to step beyond your comfort zone, explore, and open yourself up to people who might become your next meaningful connection.

Letting go of certain relationships and finding connections that inspire me isn’t selfish; it’s self-care.

Practical Steps to Build Better Relationships

So, how do we go about this? How do we foster new, fulfilling friendships while maintaining those nourishing us? Here’s what’s been working for me, and hopefully, it’ll resonate with you, too:

• Take Care of Your Body: Physical health affects emotional well-being. Getting enough sleep, eating well, and managing aches and pains can make a big difference in how we feel and show up for others.
• Get Moving: Movement reduces stress and boosts our mood. Even a short daily walk can help you feel centered and connected.
• Check for Miscommunication: When emotions run high, misinterpreting words is easy. If something feels off, pause and ask for clarification.
• Look for the Truth in Criticism: If a friend offers feedback, consider whether it is true. Sometimes, there is room to grow or make a change. Other times, it’s best to let it go.
• Know When to Let Go: If you find yourself missing what a friendship once was more than appreciating what it is, it might be time to release it. Not all friendships are meant to last a lifetime, and that’s okay.
• Take a Break if Needed: It might be time to step back if being around someone drains you or makes you uneasy.
• Give It Time: If there’s a disagreement, give it time to cool down. Acting in the moment can often create more drama than necessary.
• Seek an Outside Perspective: Sometimes, talking to a neutral friend helps us see things in a new light. A bit of outside insight can work wonders.
• Be Honest but Gentle: Honesty matters, but so does kindness. The right words, chosen with care, can make a world of difference.

Embracing Life’s Changes with Grace

We’re all navigating changes as we age—living in bodies that don’t always cooperate, facing new challenges, and watching our social circles change, too. But here’s the beautiful part: we get to curate relationships that bring us peace and joy while letting go of those that don’t.

Not every friendship is meant to last forever, and that’s a good thing. Each relationship, short or long, has something to teach us. And with each shift, we open ourselves to new possibilities and people.

So, let’s keep our hearts open to friendships that nourish us. The people who are meant to stay will, and they’ll help make this stage of life one that’s fulfilling and full of purpose.

In the end, it’s about living with intention, building relationships that bring us joy, and giving ourselves the grace to let go when it’s time. Life’s too precious to keep filling in the blanks for people who aren’t there to refill us in return. Here’s to curating a circle that lifts us, makes us laugh, and reminds us of all that’s possible.

Tell me how you’re managing your social circles.