The Woman You’re Becoming Will Cost You Everything—Choose Her Anyway

My niece Amber was a surgical RN who decided to become a nurse practitioner. With one daughter in college and another in high school, she spent two years studying in the car during softball tournaments, sacrificing her personal life for her dream. Now she’s a nurse practitioner doing what she loves.

But at 40, she’d figured out something that takes years—the woman you want to become is worth whatever you have to give up getting there.

Why do I share her story with you? Regardless of our age, if you have a dream, you should pursue it.

I’ve been thinking about that quote lately: “The woman you’re becoming will cost you people, comfort, and habits. Choose her anyway.” It sounds harsh when you first read it. It sounds like it’s asking you to sacrifice everything good for an unknown future. But it’s actually asking something more specific: What kind of life do you want to live with the time you have left?

Because here’s the thing nobody wants to say out loud—if you’re reading this and you’re over 50, you’re working with a limited timeline—not in a morbid way, but in a clarifying one. You might have 25-30 vibrant years ahead of you, perhaps more if your health holds and you’re fortunate enough to be blessed with a long life. However, you don’t have endless years to wait for the “right time.” Now is the right time.

That thought shouldn’t be depressing; it should be liberating. Because it means you can stop pretending, you’ll “get to it someday,” and start asking yourself what you want to do with the years you have.

This clarity opens up possibilities you may have dismissed as impractical or indulgent. Perhaps you want to be the grandmother who’s fully present, rather than perpetually busy. Maybe you want to travel somewhere you’ve always dreamed about—solo this time, because your husband thinks it’s too expensive or too risky. Perhaps you want to start the small business you’ve been talking about for a decade. Or go back to school. Or finally volunteer for something that actually matters to you, not just whatever needs warm bodies.

The photograph this week is of my friend Glenda McDonald. We met through our shared passion for photography. She worked for FedEx and decided to be a stay-at-home Mom. “While I never planned on being a Mother, I ended up as a mom to two great children. They are great people, and I’m proud of it, but it was never part of my life plan. As I’ve aged, I’ve known I wanted to be a wildlife photographer, and I’ve spent the past decade pursuing that dream.”

Whatever it is, living the life you dream of will require you to give something up. Your comfortable routines, probably some relationships, and the need to make hard decisions.

When I took a buyout from my job at 61, people kept asking me if I was okay. The truth was, I wasn’t ready to leave. I’d built my identity around that career for decades, and suddenly I had to choose between spending my energy wishing I were still there or creating an entirely new life.

I chose not to look back, but to create a new life. But it gave me something better—the chance to find out who I was underneath all of that. And it turns out I’m someone who enjoys taking pictures of birds and writing about women who are brave enough to change their minds about their lives, even when it’s inconvenient for everyone else.

The cost of staying exactly where you are is always higher than the cost of moving toward who you want to be. You don’t see the cost of staying put until much later—maybe on your deathbed. When you look back and wonder why you spent so many years living someone else’s version of your life.

So, here’s what I want you to think about: Who do you want to be in five years? Not who you think you should be. Not who your family expects you to be. Who do you actually want to be?

What does her Tuesday look like? Where does she live? What fills her with energy?

Once you can see her clearly, you can start making the choices that move you toward her.

Yes, it will cost you.

But you’ve already paid the price for everyone else’s dreams. Isn’t it time to invest in fulfilling your own?

Your future self isn’t waiting for you to feel ready. She’s waiting for you to decide she’s worth it.

So, tell me—where do you want to be in five years?