Trigger or Glimmer: Which Are You?

Some people light up a room when they walk in. Others light it up when they walk out. I’ve been both!

That’s not being mean to realize that some people are just that way, it’s your nervous system doing its job.

Nobody warns you about this part of getting older: your tolerance for nonsense shrinks, but your sensitivity to energy grows. Your body starts catching things your brain used to talk you out of.

Like how the mood changes when certain people show up. How the air gets heavier. How everyone starts editing themselves. And then, when that person leaves, people breathe again. The conversation flows. Someone laughs, and it’s like the room resets.

The quiet ways people drain you

Who are the triggers in your life? Some are easy to spot—the constant complainer, the negative Nancy, the one-upper, the family member who criticizes you and declares it teasing.

But the subtler ones take longer to recognize: the friend who only calls when she needs something, the person who hijacks every story to make it about them, the “I’m just being honest” type whose words land like darts.

They don’t always mean harm, but they take up emotional space, and that matters.

The people who fill you up are your compass

Then there are the glimmers.

The friend who gets your weirdness and never makes you explain it. The one who shows up without asking for anything. The person who listens, really listens, and somehow makes you feel like more of yourself.

These are the people who remind you what ease feels like. They don’t perform. They don’t drain. They carry themselves in a way that makes the world feel a little softer, a little brighter.

Your energy is sacred.

While your energy is renewable, it needs to be focused on the positive things that bring you joy. Some people will take every last drop, still ask for more, and be angry when you have nothing left to give.

After any interaction, big or small, ask yourself: Do I feel lighter or heavier?

Not are they nice? Do they mean well? Just: Lighter or heavier?

Your gut and your brain know, and your intuition deserves to be trusted.
We all cast a shadow—emotional, energetic, or otherwise. The real question is, what kind of shadow are you leaving behind?

You no longer have to fix the room.

You’re not here to manage everyone else’s emotional weather. You’re not the cruise director of other people’s feelings. And you are not required to keep people around just because they’ve always been there.

Protecting your peace doesn’t make you cold; it makes you strong. It makes you wise.

Start choosing the ones who bring you back to yourself. You don’t have to make a dramatic exit—just a quiet shift. Spend more time with the people who make you laugh without effort. Notice who you actually look forward to seeing.

Here’s the twist: the more time you spend with energy givers, the more you become one.

Years ago, during some corporate training I was mentally checking out of, they discussed “assuming positive intent” and “what shadow do you cast?” I thought it was corporate “BS” at the time—most of it was. However, looking back now, those two concepts have become some of the most practical tools I carry.

How to be a glimmer instead of a trigger

You can’t control how others show up, but you can choose how you do.

Being a glimmer isn’t sainthood. It’s awareness: how you enter, how you hold space, how you leave people feeling.

And yes—it starts with generous interpretation (sometimes called ‘assuming positive intent’). It means choosing a generous lens: believing people are doing the best they can, even when it doesn’t feel right.

You can adjust your brain in real time. You can show up differently next time. You can be the pause, the soft landing, the steady presence.

And you are NEVER too old to change from a trigger to a glimmer. Find some fairy dust and make yourself and those around you glimmer. Stop being the trigger that ruins another person’s day.

What makes you trigger? And who is a glimmer in your life? Let me know!