Civil rights icons and honorees gather at the 2005 National Civil Rights Museum Awards. From left: Ruby Dee, acclaimed actress and civil rights activist; Oprah Winfrey, media mogul and philanthropist; Paul Rusesabagina, whose heroic actions inspired the film Hotel Rwanda; his wife, Tatiana Rusesabagina; and actress Angela Bassett. The event honored their contributions to justice, human rights, and social change.

What Weight Do You Carry Around?

|

Have you ever felt like no matter how much you tried, you were still carrying too much weight — emotionally, mentally, or physically? Maybe it’s stress, regret, or the pressure to be everything to everyone — and it feels like no matter how hard you try, you can’t seem to put it down. I get it.

Above is a photo of me with Oprah at the Memphis National Civil Rights Museum Freedom Awards — a moment I’ll never forget. In that picture, I look like two people standing side by side. Angela Bassett and Miss Ruby Dee could have hidden behind me. At 375 pounds, I physically took up more space than anyone else in the room, yet I felt invisible and that I didn’t matter. Oprah positioned me in a way that made me feel included — a small kindness I still remember. I couldn’t see then that the real weight I carried wasn’t just physical — it was emotional, too.

The Visible Transformation

Several years later, I had gastric bypass surgery. The weight began to fall away, and suddenly, life felt easier. I fit in airplane seats. I could shop without humiliation. People treated me differently — sometimes better, sometimes worse — but never the same.

I believed that losing 200 pounds would fix everything. Spoiler alert: It didn’t. I had the body of someone “normal” — but the mindset of someone still waiting to be picked last in gym class. (And I was always last!)

The Hidden Weight

For much of my life, I used food as control. The more my mother pressured me to lose weight, the more I ate. It became my defiance — my way of deciding what I could and couldn’t control. Years later, alcohol became another escape — first as a way to fit into social circles, then as a way to numb my emotional pain.

After my bypass surgery, that alcohol dependence intensified. I had always been a drinker, but at 375 pounds, my body metabolized alcohol differently. After surgery, a single drink hit me harder. I didn’t know then what I know now — that many gastric bypass patients unknowingly transfer their food addiction to something else: drinking, shopping, gambling, or other risky behaviors. I became the poster child for that reality. If there were a prize for “Most Creative in Transferring Addictions,” I’d have won it.

“Until you fix your head, it won’t help; it won’t matter.”

The Moment of Truth

Years before my surgery, I visited Sedona on a business trip. I had a reading and asked the woman if I should move forward with gastric bypass. Her answer stunned me: “Until you fix your head, it won’t help; it won’t matter.” I scoffed at her comment and went straight to a Mexican restaurant to eat and drink heavily — because, obviously, tequila and tacos were the answer. Looking back, that stranger’s words may have been the truest thing anyone has ever told me.

Because she was right — no physical change will heal your life until you confront what’s happening in your head and heart.

When the Rope Unraveled

The real turning point wasn’t the weight loss — it was rehab. After surgery, I traded food for alcohol, and that spiral nearly cost me everything. Rehab forced me to unravel the tightly wound rope of my life — one strand at a time. It was painful, messy work. But in that process, I finally confronted what was beneath it all — shame, grief, perfectionism, and the belief that I was never enough and unlovable. The only person who had ever loved me unconditionally was gone.

I gratefully left some of those rope strands behind at rehab, but I rewove the other strands into greater resilience, creativity, and faith. By the Grace of my Higher Power, I was able to create something stronger. Rehab didn’t erase my struggles, but it gave me a new rope to hold onto—one woven with healthier choices and greater self-awareness.

What 17 Years Taught Me and Can Help You

  • Change is just the beginning. The real work starts after the applause fades when you’re left alone with your thoughts.
  • Your value isn’t tied to a number on the scale, your job title, or your relationship status. Those things don’t define your worth.
  • Maintenance isn’t about willpower—it’s about honesty. Staying balanced requires paying attention to one’s thoughts, feelings, and behaviors.
  • Healing isn’t about pretending your past doesn’t exist. It’s about learning from it. The scars, the stretch marks — they’re proof you survived.
  • True health is about mind, body, and spirit. The older I get, the more I understand how interconnected those pieces are.

Living with Anxiety

Even now, the battle continues. Clinical depression and anxiety are part of my reality, and some days, it feels like I’m barely holding the line of normalcy. Non-addictive medications help, but anxiety still pushes against the boundaries of what I can manage. Right now, my anxiety is off the charts — and while I refuse to rely on addictive medications, I’m finding other ways to cope. For me, staying compliant with my medications is key, but I’ve also learned that movement — even a short walk, gardening, or painting — can interrupt anxiety’s grip. On hard days, I remind myself that small steps still count.

 Change isn’t a one-time victory — it’s a daily decision. Always remember one day at a time (ODAAT).

Your Next Chapter Starts Here

I don’t know what’s next for you. Maybe you’re stepping into retirement, rebuilding your life after loss, or trying to manage your own invisible weight. Whatever you’re carrying, know this:

You’re not too late. You’re right on time. A new beginning starts today.

Ask Yourself:

  • What emotional weight am I carrying that no one else can see?
  • Am I living in a way that reflects what I truly want — or what I think others expect from me?
  • What story am I telling myself that’s no longer true?
  • What am I holding onto that’s keeping me stuck?
  • What would happen if I stopped waiting for perfect conditions and just started creating the life I wanted?

You don’t need to rewrite your entire story overnight. Just start small. Follow your curiosity. Give yourself permission to leave behind what no longer fits and embrace what’s next.

I don’t care what weight you’re carrying; just set it down now and move towards what’s best for you. You’ve got this within you to change. Only you are holding yourself back.